Yes, here they are : this year's Darwin Awards -- the annual honour
given to the person who improved the "gene pool" the most by killing
himself / herself in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always,
competition this year has been keen. And the candidates this year
are.............
* In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve
his car keys.
* A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran,"
accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
* Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said Daniel Jo nes,
21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting
in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the outer
banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jo nes, a
resident of Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him. It took rescue
workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
people looked on. Jo nes was pronounced dead at a hospital.
* Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , CA , as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused
when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands
free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville , Del , as he won a
bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
HONOURABLE MENTION :
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife
Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their
car. While driving around at 2:00 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite
and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen but apparently
failed to notice that the window was closed.
RUNNER UP :
* TACOMA , WA : Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when
one of them said they knew a person who had bungee jumped from the Tacoma
Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated
and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM.
Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had
brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered
and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the
cable was secured around Bingham's leg and other end was tied to the
bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his
foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy
river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said
Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just
no other explanation for it." (I'm sure.) Bingham's foot was never
located.
(OK. So he didn't kill himself, but it's still unbelievably stupid!)
AND THE WINNER :
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt of Paderborn , Germany fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
let it fly and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him.
"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Herr
Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him." said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no
one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated." It
seems to be just one of those freak accidents that prove that "Sh*t
happens!".
this year's Darwin Awards
