[amadeus]

Bill Clinton Virus v 1.0 - It has a six inch hard drive and no memory. Freezes entire system due to unresolved memory conflicts.
Bill Clinton Virus v 2.0 - It tells you it's executing any program you want, whether or not it's on your computer.

Bill Clinton Virus v 3.0 - Fills you with the compulsion to cut wasteful government spending at the same time that it compels you to hop into an airplane for a $200.00 haircut at taxpayer expense.

Bill Clinton Virus v 4.0 - Mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton Virus v 5.0- Promises to give equal time to all processes- 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This Virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Birthday Virus - Keeps advancing your clock by another year.

CHILD VIRUS - It constantly does annoying things, but is too cute to get rid of.

DIET VIRUS - Allows your hard drive to lose weight by eliminating the FAT table.

Federal Bureaucrat Virus - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS - Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

LAPD Virus - It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense."

MAFIA VIRUS - You don't want it, but you're afraid to get rid of it.

MARTHA STEWART VIRUS - Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to

Michael Jackson Virus v 1.0 - Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance.

NIKE VIRUS - Just does it.

Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

Pokemon Virus - Sucks up all your money and only renders 3rd rate animation.

Prozac Virus - Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

Right to Life Virus v 1.0 - Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. Prints, “Oh, no, you don't!”, whenever you choose Abort from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

Right-To-Life Virus v 2.0 - Before allowing you to delete any file, it first asks you if you've considered the alternatives.

SPICE GIRL VIRUS - Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.

STAR TREK VIRUS - Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

TEXAS VIRUS - Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

TOBACCO INDUSTRY VIRUS - It contends that there is no reliable scientific evidence that viruses can harm you computer or that it targets adolescent computer users.

U.N. virus - Annoying but harmless. Every day, it displays a message saying you must let it inspect your computer's files for viruses, but then it gives you the options "OK, Cancel, Ignore." Even if you click OK, it doesn't do anything.