Rev
09-20-06, 02:57 AM
Sorry if this is in the wrong forum, but...I didn't really see it fitting anywhere else.
ANYHOW, I had originally posted this on another board, but had a request to do so here...so...the Wisconsin Road Trip: The Vibrator
(Quick backstory, three friends and I were driving from Detroit to Milwaukee for a wedding)
The first part of the trip, Friday night, ended at a hotel in Kenosha. Mainly because Kenosha hotels were cheaper. I mean, it's not like Sarah couldn't have driven the extra 30 miles to Milwaukee, it just worked out this way.
I have this strange attraction to Waffle Houses. I mean, yeah, it's like eating at a dirty subway platform, but who doesn't like their hash browns? I'm not sure that I've ever even had a waffle there...but I can tell you the hash browns I've had. Leaving the hotel in the search for some late night food, I saw it. The warm, friendly, boxy yellow sign for "Waffle House". It was right across the freeway from where we were staying. Weird though, as we got closer, the sign didn't in fact say "Waffle House", it said "Cheese". Not "Cheese House", just "Cheese". Odd. Ok, maybe I can get a jump on my cheese shopping. Really, what the hell is the point of coming to Wisconsin and NOT getting a crap load of constipating cheese?
So, we drove over there to see what the deal was. A smaller sign indicated that the place was called "Brat House", and even at midnight, there was line around the building, and the gift shop was closed.
There REALLY must be nothing to do in Kenosha if the only attraction is late night bratwurst.
I mean, Kenosha can't be THAT bad, can it?
What we were told (at the gas station across the street) was that stores cannot sell beer past 9pm in Kenosha. Fortunately, being across the street, this gas station was technically not in the city limits and could sell until midnight. Only beer.
When in Rome, right?
Though I seriously doubt anyone in Wisconsin touches the stuff, I wanted something that said "Hi, I'm in Wisconsin". Only one beer in the cooler really said that...
Yep, I got a can of Milwaukee's Best.
The Beast. $1.09 for twenty four ounces of liquid putrescence.
And I destroyed it. And it wasn't really THAT bad.
Originally, while we were at the hotel, we were clued into the fact that Speedway was the only place to still be allowed to sell any kind of alcoholic beverage. I waited until now to mention that because something else happened that involved the front desk guy.
When we FIRST checked in, and every was throwing their shit everywhere in the room, Mr Nighthawk's hawkeye caught something. It was red and sticking out from under the corner of the bed I had selected. He went to try and pick it up, then recoiled when he realized he had touched someone's crusty red vibrator, that had no doubt been discarded and forgotten in a fit of frenzied banging. Housekeeping either didn't notice it, or refused to touch it, hoping someone else would deal with it.
So.....I grabbed the plastic laundry bag, wrapped it around my hand, and picked up the offending beaded red vibrator.
You may or may not have noticed that I REALLY like to make some people feel uncomfortable.
http://static.flickr.com/62/228193037_093a799b06.jpg?v=0
That's me taking a big 'ole whiff of the crusty thing. That's also Sarah, nauseated in the background, trying not to gag. For added effect I turned it on, and held it against the wall, so everyone could hear the power that little thing was churning out. Finally, we took it downstairs, concealed in plastic, until the wonderful reveal to the clerk, who reacted much the same way that Sarah did when I lunged at her with it. Complete and utter horror.
I guess people in Kenosha DO know how to party after all.
ANYHOW, I had originally posted this on another board, but had a request to do so here...so...the Wisconsin Road Trip: The Vibrator
(Quick backstory, three friends and I were driving from Detroit to Milwaukee for a wedding)
The first part of the trip, Friday night, ended at a hotel in Kenosha. Mainly because Kenosha hotels were cheaper. I mean, it's not like Sarah couldn't have driven the extra 30 miles to Milwaukee, it just worked out this way.
I have this strange attraction to Waffle Houses. I mean, yeah, it's like eating at a dirty subway platform, but who doesn't like their hash browns? I'm not sure that I've ever even had a waffle there...but I can tell you the hash browns I've had. Leaving the hotel in the search for some late night food, I saw it. The warm, friendly, boxy yellow sign for "Waffle House". It was right across the freeway from where we were staying. Weird though, as we got closer, the sign didn't in fact say "Waffle House", it said "Cheese". Not "Cheese House", just "Cheese". Odd. Ok, maybe I can get a jump on my cheese shopping. Really, what the hell is the point of coming to Wisconsin and NOT getting a crap load of constipating cheese?
So, we drove over there to see what the deal was. A smaller sign indicated that the place was called "Brat House", and even at midnight, there was line around the building, and the gift shop was closed.
There REALLY must be nothing to do in Kenosha if the only attraction is late night bratwurst.
I mean, Kenosha can't be THAT bad, can it?
What we were told (at the gas station across the street) was that stores cannot sell beer past 9pm in Kenosha. Fortunately, being across the street, this gas station was technically not in the city limits and could sell until midnight. Only beer.
When in Rome, right?
Though I seriously doubt anyone in Wisconsin touches the stuff, I wanted something that said "Hi, I'm in Wisconsin". Only one beer in the cooler really said that...
Yep, I got a can of Milwaukee's Best.
The Beast. $1.09 for twenty four ounces of liquid putrescence.
And I destroyed it. And it wasn't really THAT bad.
Originally, while we were at the hotel, we were clued into the fact that Speedway was the only place to still be allowed to sell any kind of alcoholic beverage. I waited until now to mention that because something else happened that involved the front desk guy.
When we FIRST checked in, and every was throwing their shit everywhere in the room, Mr Nighthawk's hawkeye caught something. It was red and sticking out from under the corner of the bed I had selected. He went to try and pick it up, then recoiled when he realized he had touched someone's crusty red vibrator, that had no doubt been discarded and forgotten in a fit of frenzied banging. Housekeeping either didn't notice it, or refused to touch it, hoping someone else would deal with it.
So.....I grabbed the plastic laundry bag, wrapped it around my hand, and picked up the offending beaded red vibrator.
You may or may not have noticed that I REALLY like to make some people feel uncomfortable.
http://static.flickr.com/62/228193037_093a799b06.jpg?v=0
That's me taking a big 'ole whiff of the crusty thing. That's also Sarah, nauseated in the background, trying not to gag. For added effect I turned it on, and held it against the wall, so everyone could hear the power that little thing was churning out. Finally, we took it downstairs, concealed in plastic, until the wonderful reveal to the clerk, who reacted much the same way that Sarah did when I lunged at her with it. Complete and utter horror.
I guess people in Kenosha DO know how to party after all.